Written By Rev Law Hui Seng
Posted By Teresa Han
Ephesians 5:22-33
Objective: To result in every married person to give space to his or her spouse.
A. Introduction
- We do not like narrow space, it limits our movement! Commercial sector has to spend much money to buy space or rent the space to do business.
- We enjoy more freedom in a bigger space. We can do more in a bigger space.
- What about the psychological space, the space in your heart? You do not like somebody especially your husband or wife, or your boy friend or girl friend constantly nagging you; correcting you for making small mistakes; forgetful or a certain habit which he or she does not like; for repeating to you things you already know, etc. You find that you have been pushed to a corner, psychologically, you have no space to breathe. You are frustrated.
- In order for married couples to give space to one another in marriage, you need to hold the word of God dear to your heart: verse 22. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Verse 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her...
B. Submission and Love.
- God has enlightened me in these 2 verses.
- For a wife to submit to her husband in all things just as the church submits to a wife is giving her husband all the space needed to express his headship authority over her; out of reverence for Christ (verse 21).
- Without this space, the husband cannot exercise that headship at all.
- Take for instance, when a husband wants all family members to come together for a prayer before going to sleep, the wife simply refuse to cooperate for no reason; she does not submit to her husband, she does not give space to the husband to exercise his headship authority.
- If she does, then, the husband can exercise his headship authority successfully and it can enhance a good spiritual habit.
- However, this submission is not a passport for her husband to RULE her; control her; to make her as a servant.
- Paul is writing this marriage instruction in the context where Jews use to treat their wives as things (barang-barang) and divorce was a easy matter.
- That is why following that instruction for the wife, he does not hesitate to instruct the husbands to love their wives just as Christ love the Church.
- For a husband to love his wife, it means to give her all the space she needs.
- This space must be given to your husband only by those of you who are wives. This space must be given to your wives only by those of you who are husbands. Do not allow other man or woman to do it.
C. Giving the partner the precious space.
- Remember tow of you are bound in marriage; agreed in a covenant to live together for life before God in Church.
- That entails you are in contact with one another everyday, deal with one another for the next 40 to 50 years; unless you die earlier.
- It is this contact/ dealing, you need to give each other plenty of space.
- Why? Because of a lot of differences in terms of background, education, habits, value system, different ideas and convictions which are far apart.
- Take for instance, my habit of drinking soup with noise. My wife used to complain about it because she said it was impolite.
- Differences which are not properly handled can give rise to conflicts which may lead to quarrels.
- So now you see why we husbands and wives need space, the precious space? This is exactly because, we human beings, every husband or every wife is not perfect, we tend to make mistakes. We tend to forget, we may be poor in communication, overlooking things, etc.
- We need to give space, the psychological space to one another to make mistakes to allow the persons to be different, etc.
D. Forms of space.
- Differences, mistakes, and even sin, we need to give space, the precious space. When there are mistakes, we need to say from our heart and mouth, it is okay, it is alright, I do not mind.
- How to give the precious space to your spouse?
- (1). Firstly, when your spouse makes mistakes, committed a sin against you, you need to be forgiving. It can be done through hurtful words, irresponsibility, negligence, etc. Robert Muller, former assistant secretary general of the United Nations, wrote this poem for International Forgiveness week:
- Decide To Forgive
- Decide to forgive.
- For resentment is negative.
- Resentment diminishes and devours the self.
- Be the first to forgive.
- To smile and to take the first step.
- And you will see happiness bloom.
- On the face of your human brother or sister.
- Be always the first.
- Do not wait for others to forgive.
- For by forgiving.
- You become the master of fate.
- The fashioner of life.
- The doers of miracles.
- To forgive your husband or your wife whatever mistakes, sins committed, is to say, “it does not matter.” By doing so, you give the precious space.
- When your partner felt forgiven, he or she received the space; space to even repent; you may as well become the agent of God’s grace/ God’s forgiveness for him or her.
- When you forgive, you give space to the other persons to breathe. If you keep reminding him or her the sin, then, you give him or her no space to breathe. Instead, he or she will have lots of guilt, frustration, burden, anger, etc to carry.
- (ii). Secondly, to give space to your partner you need to be understanding. Take for instance, as a wife, you need to understand that your husband faces lot of pressure at work, so you do not give him more pressure by asking to do more or complain about children.
- Let me share my own experience. I expect my wife to be understanding. I need to go out at night to do my ministry and some time I may come home late. I hope she will be understanding and not complain and support me.
- At the same time I know that she may worry if I come home late. So to be understanding towards her, I learn to tell her in advance my every day schedule and always let her know when I come back. If I am late, I will call back.
- Understanding given by wife is a space for me to move about. It is precious for me, a blessing for me, without this space, I do not have the peace of mind to do my ministry.
- (iii). Thirdly, to give space to your partner you need to trust your partner. You need to trust him/her that he/she is matured enough not to go after other man/ woman.
- You need to trust your wife to nurture your children; you need to trust your wife to be a good steward of your money.
- I trust my wife to spend my money wisely. She does not need to tell me how much money she spends a month. I trust her very much. My understanding with her is at the end of the day, we will either be rich or poor together.
- My wife has all the space she needs in order to do her shopping, marketing, etc.
- (iv). Fourthly, to give space to your partner you need to be patient with your partner. It means giving more time.
- When I had my first child, Grace, on Sunday morning, I got dressed up and sat in the car waiting for my wife to go for service earlier. For the first few weeks, I had problem waiting for her. I normally horned to hurry her. Of course she was not happy and got angry with me. However, I observed that I needed to learn and waited. I became more patient.
- When you are patient with your partner, you give space to him or her.
- (v). Fifthly, to give space to your partner you need to accept him/her as who he or she is.
- Accept the person as your wife, as your husband. You do not accept the bad behaviour or the sin. Take for instance, in an examination, you write an essay, you make a mistake, you do not erase the whole essay or throw away the whole essay. Similarly, when your husband or your wife makes a mistake, you do not condemn him or her. You accept him or her as who he is or she is.
- Do not try to change him or her by your own might or power.
- Accept him or her, let the Holy Spirit change him or her.
- My wife has accepted me very well. Take for instance, she accepted my old-fashion.
- How much space you give your life-partner, it will decide whether you will graduate from the school of marriage or not.
E. Conclusion.
- Marriage is not designed to place restrictions on you; marriage is for the purpose of completing you, thus enabling each member of the “team” to be more than you could be as individuals. Marriage is designed to enable you to grow to your maximum because of support, love and encouragement of your mate.
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